We’re all waiting on something. Until we get that degree. Until the baby gets bigger. Until our Mom isn’t sick. Until we have more money in the bank. We’re all waiting on life to give us the green light, but life isn’t that way. Life is like living in a perpetual yellow signal. Do you go? Do you proceed with caution? Do you stop completely?
The truth is…life’s never going to be perfect. Never. Ever. Ever. It’s like wanting to have your house sparkling and your car clean at the same time. It rarely happens. There is only so much energy to go around and if one is getting it, the other probably isn’t. Life is messy. Raw. Imperfect. And perfectly lovely.
I looked around the house this morning. The laundry’s pretty caught up and the kitchen is clean. I already took the trash out and all I have to do is make the bed. The carpet needs replaced and the outside siding can only make it about one more winter. I don’t even really like this house…so I don’t spend a lot of time tending to it.
But for today, this is where we live.
I’ve lived in some glorious places in my adult life. A mega-mansion. Apartments. Lovely estate homes. A saltbox in the country. I’ve had it all and I didn’t appreciate it. Took it for granted. ‘Til it was gone.
And now I sit in a suburban 3-bedroom raised ranch with crappy carpet and a tiny shower. I rarely spend time updating because I consider it a waste of money. But is it? Isn’t this where I spend my hours and love my family. Isn’t this where I make love to my husband and teach my grandbaby to bake.
It’s not perfect. I’d prefer to be living somewhere else because after all, at 51 aren’t you supposed to have ‘made it’. Aren’t you supposed to know what you want to be? Isn’t the bank account supposed to be bigger? The problems smaller? I’m simply being truthful. I’m going to stop my quest for perfection. I’m going to settle in and make a good meal for tonight. I’ll write around the crappy carpet and maybe even look into having it replaced.
I’ll water my mums on the front stoop and say a prayer of thanksgiving to God for this home and the warmth inside it. I might even buy a bouquet of flowers for the kitchen counter. I’m on a quest…it’s simply not for perfection…it’s for loving life.